One-Star Reviews of Beloved Things

Sunsets, puppies, pizza, and other overrated wonders.

Somewhere out there, someone gave the sunset one star.

They found it inconsistent. They felt the Grand Canyon was “just a hole.” They were, frankly, disappointed by oxygen.

This is a collection of 225 brutally honest, completely fictional one-star reviews of the world’s most beloved and ordinary things, sunsets, puppies, pizza, naps, rainbows, the moon, Mondays, and the snooze button that has never once let anyone down gently. Every single one earned exactly one star. None of the reviewers are real. All of their complaints are, somehow, completely understandable.

Meet the regulars: Patricia from Akron, who has driven enormous distances to be disappointed. Walter K., a retired beekeeper with serious concerns about the management of nature. DaveR_1962, who would like things returned, please, to roughly the way they were when he was thirty. And Truth_Seeker_44, who has questions about gravity that no one will answer.

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